the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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