Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I won the penis lottery.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
