im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
