You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
