Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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