worst night to have a conscience
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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