I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
