I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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