My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
