hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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