You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
