What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
