hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
