im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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