Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
