I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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