Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
