Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
