I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
