"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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