she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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