so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
