So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
