This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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