I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
jump out the window naked night went bad
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
