I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
