she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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