I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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