How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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