I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
