New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
