Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
