I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
