hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
