god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
