I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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