Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
