I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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