New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
