Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
