Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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