let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
