Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
