U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
