But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
