I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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