I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i think i just lost a toe
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
