would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
