its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
