A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
