i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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