I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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