he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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