id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
