Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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