note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
