life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
