the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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